It has hardly occurred to me that it is December already, but I can only ask for this month to be a rehabilitative month for me to rest and cleanse — mentally, physically, emotionally. Some breathing, some purging, to recoup and recover from the remnents of whatever I'm left of. It's been a really long time.
Three,
Long,
Long,
Long,
Years,
365 x 3,
1095,
Days.
November was filled with a lot of introspection and a lot of solitude and a gradual shift towards independence. Lots of nights of crying and lots of nights struggling to harden my heart. At some point everything I envisioned was bleak and hopeless, but I have a few some some to give thanks to for pulling me through.
All I ask for is for everyday of December to be as worthy as today was. Felt happy that I could sustain happiness for most if not all of today which is how you feel when you are around people you like and can choose not to say anything sometimes but also have the option of saying whatever you want to when you feel like it and not have to worry about any consequences because the person will seamlessly 'letch' onto your flow of thought and ride along the waves with you and upon hitting the shores is when both of you settle into a unspoken conclusion of a kind of calamity/security.
Seems like when you meet someone you don't consider realise or understand their potential importance (mutually or otherwise)
I spent the morning reading, the afternoon with Tessa and the evening with Mum. Feel like my weeks are settling into a routine in a way that I no longer remember what day it is, it feels like a Monday is a Friday and a Friday is a Wednesday, but at the same time that isn't particularly true because I still keep myself in check with lists. Many, many lists. Can't rid yourself of an old habit, and mine is kicking me right in the face. But I'll take it, I need some kind of stratum-system in my mind.
To keep myself in check.
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