Forgetting

I forget a lot of vocabulary now that I don't have to use it often, and it troubles me lots when I don't get the right words to express something. My way of speech has seemingly ossified into a fossilized mess, as per defined by almost primary-school level language. I am so very much in awe of writers who can breathe new meanings into their words, and essayists who are blessed with the gift of rendering interesting anything that interests them, and then transpose that onto others. It's like magic. Writing is like magic, at least for me, the girl who wished she was special enough to express. I feel incapable.

Here is a picture of the sky when I looked out at the sky this morning

Sometimes I spend some minutes of my day looking down watching the trees around the pool in the morning light or children taking swimming classes or adults going off to work. There are good days and there are bad days. When days are nasty I think of many things. I think of me and I think of them and the other thems and more thems. Groups and groups of thems, and here is me.

This morning wasn't disastrous, but I thought of friends.

Everyone grows up and away from each other. Maturing differently, at varying speeds, fueled by the kind of obstacles that try to hold us back. I don't like thinking about this, it makes me uncertain and anxious knowing that more people can leave my already barren life. But it is inevitable, and with that, there are some friends I've grown out of, while making new ones along the way. As I got through my adolescence, I realised that what I needed were not a certain number of people but people I could be certain of. There are some friends that have been attached to different chapters of my life and once that chapter closed, they disappear along with it too. It's unintentional, and in that moment we don't notice it slip by. It's sad, but that's how it is. Admittedly though, I have been blessed with enough people that I can be thankful for. So I ended the thoughts with just that. Gratitude and appreciation.