Beginnings

8:54AM
2014 sleep-in
So far, so good

Happy New Year guys!

New Year's resolutions can go two ways — it can be a reason to be cynical and scoff, or it can be an optimistic outlook on a new beginning. As healthy as it is a tradition to take stock of the course of my life at least once a year and set some goals for self-improvement, I have no formal schedule (school) to anticipate for once, and I'm going to embrace that joyous emptiness by not having any resolutions at all. This year, I want to start off status quo. Apart from perhaps getting myself a job, there's no rush to jump start resolutions of any sort if I don't have to. Staying constant can be a refreshing contrast from all the change I've engulfed myself in for the past 3 years. It's been 34 days since freedom, but I've spent a huge enough part of it to be with myself and reach into the depths of what I've lost as school years got more intense.

2013 has been so much of a whirl. I functioned on pain and turmoil for most days, but I've also been thoroughly blessed through and through. I started off the year in Hong Kong, had a mid-year break in Phuket and ended it on a (quite terrible) note in Bangkok. I shudder at the memory of Bangkok. Some good people who have been around me all this while have made me realise the utter fool I was for rejecting their presence before, and now that it's too late to embrace it while I could, I am only still making feeble attempts to make up for it. Like when Clara came over on Saturday night and we spent it on the floor of my room talking over disgusting YouTube videos. A thing that I did more in 2013 was talk, I think. Another thing that happened was also seeing people close to me embarking on new adventures that made me both happy and sad. I spent a lot of the year thinking, and found little answers. I also made it a point to forget many things, which is something I promised myself I will not revert to this year. We ended last night with a satisfying round of Monopoly. It's becoming a family tradition I've so come to love : ) The 12/13 countdown was lonesome and horrid, but this year we had good food and I enjoyed the small company. Apart from perhaps getting myself employed, this year I will also learn to enjoy company.

I am aware of the blatant incongruity of my words but I think this space deserves some rawness.

I passed my morning sipping lemongrass tea and eating leftovers for breakfast, which followed with some woozy in my stomach that's been bugging me for days. So I sat in bed with a bigger-than-ever pot of tea and got the extension cables to plug myself onto my laptop and read things that I normally wouldn't, I mean, why not right? Slowly I settled into accustoming to the uncomfortable and sorted out loose music files and videos hanging all over my desktop screen. OCD is still riding with me right through the new year.

Tonight Mum and I are going to see Rain. I feel conflicted about the concert. There in me lies a kind of dull thrill about watching my first-ever Korean favourite (since 2004) live. My first being my potentially last concert of those kinds. We purchased the tickets in a spur of the moment, I'm not sure if I regret it now. Will report back on that. Ta.