Arsenal

My room is drowning in an explosive applause coming from an Andre Rieu playlist that has been going on non-stop while I decide that I have no worst way to describe my lack of consistency in the up keep of this blog. I am a shrewd blogger even if this space is for the sake of myself. I did a Taiwan post that didn't get saved and I'm too sad about that to do it again.

In my 2 weeks of absence I've had the most scheduled-filled fortnight of July. It was lovely and I enjoyed it. August is looking slackishly chill, feeling quite happy about that too. It means I get to talk to myself a lot and maybe more trips to the library; still banging on the book worm plan.

Things that happened just for memory's sake:

12/7 had my first acupuncture session and it makes me squirmy and ~ooooooooh~ inside just thinking back on it. I don't do well with needles or blood or tubes or anything medical. Characteristic childhood ambition: doctor, invalid. I did get quite interested in natural remedies after that episode though so I pulled a Google-fu (ref.: kungfu) on TCM and ayurvedic medicine for the rest of the afternoon.

14/7 birthday lunch for KY at Living Cafe with the other boys and Qianying, hung out in town after that the boys did pool and the girls did talking with whoever was the odd one out during rotation. It was a good day I felt pleased with this group of friends I've known for 6 years now, the one great thing about them is that we defy the forces of change in every good way. They're still the same people who laugh over old things and wow we are slowly turning 20 together, seems like a 'big but small' thing.

18/7 picked Hannah up at noon from her hotel lobby and we took a cab to Living Cafe where I had nori rolls, mushroom soup and a blackberry cheesecake that was so good it seemed almost bizaare. We took a bus into town and let Hannah do some shopping then moved on to a food fair that was happening at Takashimaya before hopping on the train back. It was a pleasant meet-internet-friends experience and I want to do it again, also am meeting Hannah over in London on a weekend in September am looking forward to that.

19/7 in the evening my parents sent me to meet my east mates where we sat in the park and talked and when they went home my uncle and Dad came in the car again to get me, we went to visit my grandmother and watched golf

22/7 hung out over a long lunch with Hannah on her final day in Singapore, we went to Afterglow which was a cafe I was trying hard to find during my internship days but never did. She had broccoli soup and I had a raw taco bowl. I loved my dessert, I had a raspberry rhapsody and it was gone in 5 mins.

Also worked lots in the 2 weeks, mostly half-day shifts. I go into intense rigours of pumping myself up for work and then dying down the next couple weeks. Realising that every job now will be as dry as a job that's not you pursuing your "creative ambitious/deep passion" whatever regardless if you took up a job based on current interest or not. I've learnt that things like this are not sustainable just like how most things are not. Did a couple of driving lessons too, and also did my first driving test which I failed because I panicked didn't return the steering wheel, struck the curb, and while that was happening I thought to myself "mighty ho you psychic".

It feels slightly vague that we no longer know each other and the sad thing is I'm starting to feel ok with that. Some friendships fall apart for reasons we never know, but on closer inspection, are rooted in the strongest hatred for something deep within the other. And while I say this with the greatest caution, I think I finally accept that it's okay to still want to cross a bridge you've burnt and still miss the people you have actively kept out of your life. In this sense closure isn't letting go of the nagging ache but the need to do something with it. I fall back on the TFIOS theory of 'pain demands to be felt'.

Another thing I have been thinking about is how important it is to me to keep things as open as possible and thus formulate my choices in a way that I will always have the most possible number of options available. It makes me feel the worst if I know that I have to do this one thing solely because there is no other way out.

Okay this is the last promise to myself to be diligent over here. Maybe it will get better in September.