Sawadeeka

We did pad thai again for lunch this afternoon, I think we've managed to pull it off quite well. Both times I used shirataki noodles and I loved it. Regular noodles no longer have a place in my heart. I'm going to make this again one last time before I leave and settle for 3 months of quick meals, many of which I can already guess I will be too lazy to make.

Round 1, a few weekends ago, tod man pla with a cucumber relish dip & pad thai 

Round 2, this afternoon, just pad thai but with proper spices because I rummaged the spice cabinet and found stuff

Writing about food makes me think a lot about my relationship with food and the way it's transformed circa 2010 till now, and it pulls the same trigger on the issue of body image. I'm through with the stage of denial and anytime I feel bad things now I instantaneously admit to the particular degree of consciousness I feel that day. But I also realise I'm not alone. I was never alone, and I'm still not. There are days that I still care about how much/what I eat more than other days because it's one thing I can hold absolute control over. Control is a knotty issue and dealing with it pains me more than not having to deal with it, so really I mostly just let it be. I guess right now my goal is just to be happy, for myself.

I must never be afraid to care. When I find the things that make me the happiest, I will make time for them and understand that my happiness should be a priority and if ever the thought that I have to be a certain way to meet a certain arbitrary standard I will remember that my life is my life and no one else will be me.

I am going to start a list on a document file because transporting physical notes to and fro UK/Singapore in the very near future will be too much trouble and when there is inconvenience I don't follow through very well. So if future Adeline ever reads this let this be a reminder to update your list in case you haven't. Because there will always be incomprehensible things to want to remember