Sunrise

Tappity tapping away on my new VPCSB36FG.

Feeling much better after feasting on half a punnet of strawberries which were gifted by my very kind aunt, who made a mental note to look out for them every week at her market after realizing how much I adore those ruby gems, which is what my brain likens/values them to be. I don't use the phrase 'love affair' much, but there's no other way to describe my unconditional devotion to these berries, or any fruit for that matter.

I have been so frustrated with people and myself lately. Surprisingly, I haven't said anything about it to anyone. It's probably not them, it's just me. And much too often, I concern myself with trivialities that I shouldn't care about. Am just beginning to collect myself back together but I still lack a consistent way in which I need to categorize my thoughts. It's an entropy up there. I feel like a fleeting illusion, and that makes communication hard. I don't apply myself as much as before and I cannot track the direction of my thoughts.

A couple more days till the end of the month. A couple more weeks till the end of the first semester. My time is accelerating beyond it's limits and someone needs to issue it a ticket. Days speed to an abrupt end, twilight is blurred. With PI submission, overdue essays and investiture rehearsal #1, I passed the week okay. Investiture is coming Wednesday and there are more big things coming up like I-Day and Pre-U Seminar. Which spells rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals. Also, 1st GPP draft is due on Monday and final is by the end of next week. Inbetween we have more dry-runs and meetings. I feel myself disappearing into the procrastination hole.

Now I shall speak of this nagging negativity that has been filtered into my being, deep within the fibres of myself. I think I've mellowed into numb acceptance that I cannot change some, if not many, of my displeasures. After three weeks of project work, I have gathered quite an insight to 'group work'. I am the high C, I am the anal prick, I am the demanding. I strive for perfection in my quest to seek academic validation, which I have found to be a solitary, independent journey. Out front, I'll be honest. I cannot comprehend my hate for group work. I have nothing against people I work with, on the contrary I favour them a fair bit. But I am the annoying individualistic because work distribution drives my angst levels to it's peak. It's not their fault, it's not anyone's fault. It's just me. I just don't like the process of it all, but for now, I think I'd just like to see some possibilities of a satisfying closure.

I smell dinner from the study. Ambrosia is calling out to me.
I have sat here for far too long.
I shall take a walk.