I do a lot of thinking before I go to sleep
I play scenes in my head
I practice the things I want to say sometimes
I make plans for the next day
I think of people I miss
I think of the ones I don't
I ask myself a lot of questions
Things are rough
And when I think and think and maybe overthink the strenuous process eventually buffs out the cutting edges of all these painful things
I am now ready and brave enough to admit that I've been a clear devil's advocate, my very own chameleon stranger. I said I forgot how to feel. I lied. What I was really feeling was pain, a kind that made me dull numb silent. Silence is a form of speech in its own secret way and sometimes the silence gets too loud and tense. I am most certain I've forgotten how to carry conversations with people wihtout seeming like I'm socially conservative and inadequate. I wished I was capable enough to be in sync with the everything.
Being accepted does not balance out the feeling of being rejected. There is no yin ying here.
i love your blog so much: your sense of reality and connection to our present reflects a reason to hold onto hope for the seemingly hopeless. (:
ReplyDeleterena.
stop by sometime?
http://gocrywolf.blogspot.com
Thank you so much, you're too kind!
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