Maybe

Tugging on the corners of my smelly old pillow, I am sipping green tea and watching workout videos but not doing any.

I put things off much too quickly.

This morning I woke up thrice, once every 5 minutes before my alarm finally rang and I peeled myself off the mattress to realise that my eyes were so swollen they looked like they were carrying water babies. I washed my face with ice-cubes. Went out for breakfast (rose apple, red dragonfruit, blueberries, eggs, turnip soup) and left for school late but made it to campus earlier than expected. It felt like it was time already. Sat myself through 2 lessons. I was so out of sorts I cannot remember feeling anything to write it down now. 1205 1210 1215 1220 1225 1230 1235 1240 1245, time fleeted by.

Right now I feel uncertain and doubious of myself. I really just want to think about lunch tomorrow (miso soup or quinoa sushi?)

As soon as the bell metaphorically rings for me, I leave the swarming frenzies of my fellow friends as quickly as my legs would get me to the bus stop, clambering back to the comforts of my east dwelling and exercise pants/swimsuit. I like the idea of at least having something to fall back to. Also I have formed a nasty habit of doing many posts and never getting them published. I think I have more drafts than published posts on this account. How does everyone look so emotionally stable? I feel more ineloquent next to people than anything else, and minuscule among the masses of people here. More often that not I feel like I always have to try harder to understand things than others. If there was anything I've learnt this month or so, it would be that there is nothing real about the real world.

I have begun reading book reviews on books I have never read, may never read. But for the very few minutes I read these people's perspectives, and I superimpose onto myself the aspects of their emotions makes me feel like everyone is bracketed in this world and maybe that is what makes the world diminutively smaller than it really is.

Also decided that I would do braces again after finals this year. Nine months sounds like some good decent time lapse to prep myself for a more than partial liquid/soft diet for the coming twenty odd months.

Lastly I want mention my best friends, the two of you, for always being here even though you're not thank you guys I love you