Creatives

Since I was a young child I've dreamed of being a kind of creative producer. A writer, a photographer, a designer, a painter, a musician, a singer, a something that filled me with so much love and passion for that my body wouldn't even be able to contain. They would ooze out as works of my expressions, and when shared, everyone else would feel it too. I knew I wanted to influence. I was born and bred that way. But I've never had a knack for the creative field and somewhere along the way, this dream got pushed under current of the big wave called life. I forget a lot about that long-ago time, aching from a dullness from being alive. Sometimes these aspirations re-surface, but mostly it stays down under. As social media plagues the waking minutes of my mostly free and lazy schedule, I get reminded of all this again. I pull myself into the beauty of the images I see on screen, and I fall in love with art all over again.

I feel inquisitive this morning. 

I woke up and didn't check the time. 

I put my legs up against the wall and breathed. 

I remembered the beauty from the lines of a traveler's blog I was reading till 3 in the morning last night 

Then I remembered there was always two sides to 'things' but that doesn't say much, 'things' are vague 

A friend recently told me of his impression of me and this was a year after we knew each other; "For you, more of year 2, very independent thinker, strong beliefs, disciplined (running and your proper-ness), standoffish, but somehow there's like an undercurrent of a feeling of uncertainty? Something like you're not that sure what you're doing sometimes. But very selective as well, and you know what you're doing at the moment, but not sure more of if it's the best/right thing to do at the present moment. You get that?" My vagueness and uncertainty comes through as I am, it's funny that it's quite blatantly obvious. Maybe I really do wear both my brain and heart on my sleeve.

I've found that being aggressively open, especially with the raw parts of ourselves that we normally hide makes it ridiculously easy to realise that we're not alone. That I, we, are all flawed and fighting battles and none of us really know what we’re doing and that is okay. The most important part about being genuine is being okay with not being okay. Deep down we’re all the same, we just have to keep on growing.

Onto the goal list of happiness and mindfulness is the aim to create beauty in everything.